11 Reasons Deployments are Awesome

Of course it’s easy to list all the things that suck about deployments. Trust me! I’ve heard and seen every annoying social media post, meme, cheesy photos, countdown, banner, etc.  So I vowed not to be that girl… here it is… my list of the 11 reasons deployments rock. And as Maui would say “You’re welcome”!

  1. No Rush Hour- or rush 5 mins when you try to put the house back together the way you found it this morning to appear as if you have your shit together. You don’t have to do it. No one is coming home to see it and the only people who can see it are the ones that created the mess.
  2. Chef’s Choice- Since I’m the only adult and I don’t care what we eat.. it’s cereal and mac and cheese! Everyday.. every meal… and life is good.
  3. Bed Space- Finally you can get that restful sleep without snoring, fighting over blankets, and tons of bed space. Well… you would if you didn’t have children to take over the bed.
  4. Happy Hour- since you’re waking up at the butt crack of dawn, 10 am is a pretty good time to start happy hour. You don’t have to hide your wine in a coffee mug anymore. No one is around to see it, judge you,  or count how many times you fill your glass. Cheers!
  5. Climate Control- We have never agreed on a comfortable temperature. FINALLY the house is a comfortable 76 degrees. Take off the layers- no one is around to see your booty life is good!
  6. Money- All that hazard duty, separation, double dippin, tax free MONEY!! It’s going straight into everything that’s breaking while he’s deployed but it’s extra pay right =)
  7. Gifts- The people that know you and care about you will bring/send you the best gifts… like Cheetos and wine =)
  8. Hers and Hers Sink- Yep this means you can now take over the entire bathroom guilt free! Makeup, hair spray, blow dryer, curling iron, straightener,  perfume, jewelry, clothes, everywhere! It’s a beautiful thing!
  9. Bye Bye Side Eye- This actually should have been number one maybe. When you drop off your kid at school and you can feel people judging you for looking like a disaster. Then someone asks how you’re doing and everyone understands you’re a single parent with young children while your husband is deployed… and BAM! Suddenly the judgy side eye becomes a sympathetic “hi”.
  10. Strange apparel- I let my daughter wear whatever while my husband is gone because that battle just isn’t worth it. And I feel like we can get away with it since it’s the deployment. Especially when she wants to wear ABU’s to target.
  11. Justice- Ok so you are rocking this deployment, kids are alive, house is… there. You earned something really special. Start searching pinterest, amazon, priceline, home depot for your reward. Do you need a bathroom remodel, a new wardrobe, some fun shoes, a cool vacation? You deserve it, the sky is the limit. After all… see #6

There were more that didn’t make the list because they didn’t go with my vibe for the video. I will have to add on when I’m not so distracted keeping children alive.

No! I Don’t Need Pills!

I posted this video about how I was struggling with this fussy baby. I explained how mad I was at the world and that I decided to instead focus on those around me that were showing up and helping me. I got emotional as I talked about feeling so loved as I realized how many people cared about ME! Amongst others, my brother was the last person I expected to be helping me through this, but he has been showing up without hesitation week after week.

 

https://youtu.be/1zMUkNPaEbE

So many of my friends loved the video, they appreciated the emotional raw mess that I showed all 900 of my social media “friends”. I rarely cry in front of people, so this is a pretty big deal to let others see me this way. I’ve always viewed tears as a weakness. But the general response was praise for being so “brave”. Not at all what I expected.

My friend Dajon has helped me embrace my sensitivity and use it. My friend Melissa helped me focus on stepping into my gifts. She talked about how we couldn’t possibly all be the same, nothing would get accomplished. My friend Rocky convinced me to start documenting my life, good and bad. My friend Kim helped me understand that there are others just like me that need to hear “you’re not alone”.

Multiple people (some I have never talked to or met in person) reached out to me with gratitude for saying what they were afraid to say. Some had the same struggles with a colic baby and the emotions and chaos that comes with it.

After fighting to capture an audience for more than 18 seconds with these business videos, I was shocked as how many watched my 5 min video.  I also didn’t expect people to misunderstand what the video was about.

I received “cheer up” – I’m not sad, I’m stressed, I’m beat down, I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I’m crying in the video because I’m so grateful and feeling so loved.

I received “Here’s some resources”– I’m not sad, I’m stressed, I’m beat down, I’m physically  and mentally exhausted. I’m crying in the video because I’m so grateful and feeling so loved.

I received “You need to talk to a professional”– lol yes tell me what I need bystander! I’m not sad, I’m stressed, I’m beat down, I’m physically and mentally exhausted.

My least favorite (please don’t be offended if you mentioned this to me, I heard it too many times for this to be personal)

I received “Have you thought about a prescription” – Yes, I thought about how numb it made me feel 4 years ago when I tried it with my first unplanned pregnancy. I thought about all the awful side effects. I thought about how it would be a “quick fix” rather than dealing with the emotions, struggles, pain. While I have plenty of friends that have great success with prescriptions,  I don’t need a pill! I need 8 hours of sleep, a healthy meal, a night of free babysitting!

I apologize if this comes off rude. I’m trying to be assertive in how I’m feeling and how these suggestions come across to someone who is struggling with a tough situation.

This is my therapy- angrily typing on my keyboard, creating silly videos about my shit show of a life, and venting about the chaos. We were all made differently. You can judge or you can accept.

The Worst Job I Can’t Quit

I’m broken! I hate being a mom! And this keyboard is the only one that will listen. This is hands down the worst job I’ve ever had. From being a waitress at a shitty restaurant to deployments.. .This is the worst!

colic crying fussy baby

I never wanted kids. My sister had children at a young age, I knew that wasn’t for me. I was curious what my kids might look like but that was as far as it went. So when I got pregnant on birth control- No I’m not an idiot, I realize how babies are made and I took birth control VERY serious. We used MULTIPLE precautions especially after returning from a deployment.

 

My mom had an abortion before I was born and she was still working on forgiveness and healing 20 years later. Her story and some scare tactics from the pregnancy crisis center were why I chose this life. Maybe I would change, maybe this would be great, maybe I would enjoy being a mom and letting go of my career goals.

 

I had a colic baby that looked nothing like me. I was devastated! A fussy scrawny little girl. I was so sleep deprived, malnourished, defeated! I was mad!

I was mad at the clinic,

I was mad at my friends and family,

I was mad at this baby,

I was mad at my husband,

I was mad at God,

I was mostly mad at myself

How could I make such a huge mistake? What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I love being a mom? Why can’t I just be happy and enjoy this baby?

 

So fast forward 4 years and we have another birth control baby. I’m telling you this is more common than you’d think. I hear it alot! At this point our relationship is already at a breaking point and the thought of doing it all over again..FML. Not to mention, I was finally gaining momentum with my business and my husband was leaving for a deployment….. Fucking awesome.

I had so much faith and hope that this baby was going to be different. No one I had talked to had TWO colic babies! EVERYONE said this one will be so different. They were all wrong! He’s EXACTLY the same! So here I am, frustrated with two kids doing it alone.

I hate my keyboard,

I hate my friends and family,

I hate my husband,

I hate God or whoever is in control of this shit show,

I hate myself.

How did I make this mistake again!?! Why me? What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I love being a mom? What am I doing wrong to make this baby so miserable ?

 

I want to run away, I want to clock out, eat, sleep, do something other than deal with kids who seemingly hate the person that keeps them on this earth.

 

I’ve finally realized after lots of drinking and crying-

I love my kids, I hate being a mom!

Yes you can judge me all you want, I get it all the fucking time. Why does everyone think they’re so righteous to judge and criticize ? I’ve been bullied more as a mother than I’ve ever experienced in my 30 years of life. Your kids are nothing like my kids! You are nothing like me! At the end I can list all the things we tried.. So you can stop with the unsolicited parenting advice right now.

“You should be happy”

  • Yes, please tell me what I should be. That is extremely helpful for a stressed out broken woman to hear what they SHOULD be feeling. I would love to instantly change how I feel… it’s just not that easy. This is a traumatic event for me. Much like grieving, there’s no “one size fits all”  “just deal with it” “Suck it up buttercup”

“Do you know how many women would love to be in your shoes?”

  • Yes, I have friends right now that want a child more than anything in the world right now. Just like that is a struggle and an emotional roller coaster for them.. It is also for me. Other women wanting children doesn’t make me love being a mom. Does that make sense? I would use an analogy comparing two totally different wars if I knew anything about history. 

“There are so many parents praying for a child, do you realize how selfish you sound?”

  • Yes, I’m selfish! That’s exactly why I never had a desire for children. I was completely content in my selfish debt free world!

“They’re healthy, you should be grateful”

  • Yes, they are healthy. That’s how they were given to me. I can’t take credit for their health. Their very existence came from something bigger than myself that I will probably never understand. Whoever is in charge of all this knew I couldn’t possibly handle an ill child. Being a mom is enough of a challenge.  I am grateful that they are alive and healthy. I’m not grateful for my struggle as a mother.

“You’re going to miss this”

  • False! My 4 year old was so fussy and awful. On a regular basis we would say how we hated the baby phase and that we were so glad it was over. I will not miss this baby stage at all. I will not miss being a single parent.

 

My friend said these kids willed themselves into this world, that they chose me because they’re so powerful they needed an easy going mom.

 

I feel like the worst mom. I can’t even get my infant to stop crying- something so natural. My poor 4 year old is left to fend for herself. I’m pretty sure she’s surviving off candy that she stashed away in her toy room. I miss my 4 year old, she’s just a fog in this whole experience.

 

While I love my kids so very much, I absolutely fucking hate being a mom! I’m a bad mom. I’m telling it like it is because I’m sure there’s at least one other lost crying mom with the same feelings right now. And we need to stick together because this mom shit is HARD!!

 

List of things we tried for our fussy babies that didn’t work

Gripe water

Holistic bead Necklace (4 of them because they kept breaking)

RX for reflux

Gas drops

Weird herbs

Baby tea

Chiropractor

Reiki healing (worked better than anything)

Massages

Pumping legs

Expensive formula

Swings

Rocking

Bouncing

Teething products

Probiotics

Rock n play

Essential oils

Baths

Sitting upright and burping more

Tummy time

Holding them 24/7

Cry it out (hours)

Strollers

Car rides

Saging the house

Music

Vibration bouncer

Dryer

Praying

Screaming

Any over the counter product that advertises “colic” or “fussy”

 

I checked my Analytics so doubt anyone will ever read this or know it exists.

 

Cheers!

You’re a mom.

You work hard.

You deserve a drink.

Cheers!

#NationalVodkaDay